Science Discovers Toxoplasma Gopii

Written by rewinn

Wednesday, 2 April 2008

image for Science Discovers Toxoplasma Gopii
Victim of GOPoplasma

Scientists have announced the discovery of Toxoplasma Gopii, a parasitic protozoa that attacks the human brain and causes the disease Gopoplasma.

Acute stage Gopoplasma infections give rise to paranoia-like symptoms, and can become fatal to friends, associates and those under the command of the infected. For example, a Gopoplasmic political leader can order troops into wars of choice unrelated to the defense of the nation.

Several independent studies point towards a role of Gopoplasma infection in cases of schizophrenia, for example, the simultaenous belief in balanced budgets and record levels of deficits. The willingness to believe blatant lies when uttered by a White House spokesman is positively correlated with Gopoplasma infection although the precise mechanism remains undiscovered.

The definitive host of T. Gopii is the wealthy aristocrat; studies suggest that this host benefits financially by spreading the infection. The parasite is transmitted to large populations of unprotected humans by means of infected talk-radio hosts, fake news channels and hate-spewing speakers at mass rallies. These in turn contribute money and political support to the aristocratic hosts, completing the cycle.

The prevalence of human infection by Gopoplasma varies greatly by geographic region; factors that influence infection rates include information diet (prevalence is higher where there is a preference for less-truthy news) and proximity to alcohol.

Population biologists attribute the tendency of Gopoplasma to induce excessive mortality and injury among young members of homo sapiens with a growing resistance to the disease. However, the scars left by Gopoplasma may take generations to heal.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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