Dharamsala, India - Exiled Tibetan administrative leader the Dalai Lama announced from Dharamsala, northern India that he would not tolerate any further Fed bailouts of Wall Street and would resign as head of his government in protest, if it continues.
The Dalai Lama has long considered such government-backed bailouts of Wall Street firms in financial trouble a violation of the moral hazards doctrine, a doctrine, which he strictly adheres to in his personal, and professional practices on a daily bases.
It is said that during his daily meditations, the Dalai Lama, after achieving the center of inner peace and personal enlightenment on a mountainside, that he often reaches for the local newspaper placed near a bubbling spring. Impervious to the headlines of senseless violence and death in his nirvana like state of being; he opens it up to the financial section and checks out how his retirement portfolio is coming along.
"He prefers to go online because his an avid day trader, too. But good luck finding a Wi-Fi hotspot around here," said the Dalai Lama's personal assistant.
According to the personal assistant, the Dalai Lama had until recently a diversified portfolio, but he could not help following up on a hot tip from a rat that was once a hotshot Wall Street lawyer in his previous life.
Based on that so-called hot tip, the Dalai Lama liquidated his holdings in the commodes market, selling out a substantial holdings of pig bellies and buying blocks of shares in J.P. Morgan.
"So you can imagine his moral outrage when he discovered the Fed violated the moral hazard doctrine, stepping in to help bailout Bear Stearns at $2.00 dollars a share, no less, instead of letting it continue to freefall," said the personal assistant.
"That stock clearly had a ways to go before it bottomed out," said the Dalai Lama at the press conference. "I could have accumulated an obscene fortune of material wealth, if only the Bush administration would have continued to adhere to the moral hazard doctrine. After all, it's a dog eat dog world we live in. Survival of the fittest and all that."
The Dalai Lama is expected to file an official complaint with the New York Stock Exchange and the Federal Trade Commission for unfair trade practices and bring forth a civil action as well.
"All legal pleadings printed on 100% recycled paper, which he sits on the board of the company that makes it," said the Dalai Lama's personal assistant. "So you see, going green can make the green too, or Euros, whatever."
