Entire Town Arrested for Failing Drug Test

Funny story written by drugtestallpoliticians

Tuesday, 4 March 2008

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This line of cocaine was found running through a local park

Micanopy, Florida (IPP) - The entire town of Micanopy was given a drug test by Federal authorities and the Town failed the test.

The drug test was administered to the Town by having a government chemist draw samples from the Town's sewer system. A spectral analysis was performed on the sample and the positive test results gave authorities enough probable cause to put the entire Town under arrest.

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has agreed to take on this case on behalf of Town residents who claim that they are being punished for the criminal acts committed by persons other than themselves. ACLU attorney Srewum Andhow told the court that in America we do not search among the many who are innocent to find the few who are guilty.

Mr. Andhow further argued that this type of behavior by authorities "stands America's system of jurisprudence upon its head". "We are presumed innocent and we still have some privacy rights, even in Florida" stated the ascerbic Mr. Andhow.

Authorities have told the press that should the Town be found guilty that they planned on putting shock collars on all of the Town's residents and thus would they use a system of "Town arrest" for an entire town as opposed to "house arrest" for individuals. Using the shock collar system would allow the Town's antique stores and restaurants to continue operating with minimal disruption to the local economy.

Mr. Andhow asked that the prosecuting attorney and the judge presiding over the case put on the shock collars and have the minimum shock administered to the two. They both declined to test the apparatus and the case was continued until 1:00 PM on March 5th.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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