The Fed today announced that it would continue to fight the recession, which was caused by the expansion of the money supply and excessive government expenditures, by printing $6 trillion new dollars, and spending it.
"The presses are working day and night, and will continue to run for one hundred years if necessary, to resolve the current crisis." said Fed Head Ben Bernacke. "we will continue to print money and lower rates until somehow this course of action magically cures the difficulties the economy is facing. We are resolved to lower rates as far as needed, even if we have to pay the big banks to take more cash."
Meanwhile the White house announced it would increase government spending by issuing 'economic recovery stimulus' checks to taxpayers to jump-start the economy.
"It's as if we are giving back to taxpayers the unused part of their taxes, except that all tax revenues have actually already been spent and then some" said White House Spokesman Ronald McDonald.
Reacting to Ron Paul's contention that these steps will only make things worse, and accelerate the devaluation of the dollar, the president offered this statement, " You have to ask yourself...well no...scratch that...I have to ask myself...is myself...uh, are myself gonna do what's best for the dollar, or what's best for the people?
Barrak Obama, from the campaign trail in Ohio, said he disagreed fundamentally with White House policy. "Expanding the money supply and then increasing government spending is just backward. My administration would set things right by increasing government spending and then increasing the money supply. I think I can fix this recession by talking it out with the other decision makers, I think I can, I think I can. Yes, I can."
Hilary Clinton stated she would do the same thing promised by Obama, except that because she is a woman she would do it "...twice as well, and in half the time."
John McCain did an impression from Gone With The Wind to appreciative laughter from the press corp, stating he "don know nufin' 'bout fixing no economy". He followed up with the statement that, even so, the economy was too important to leave to the free market, and promised to "...read a few books before I start running things".
