Hillary Quits

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Tuesday, 26 February 2008

image for Hillary Quits

Didn't Hillary quit during the last debate? She appeared to capitulate near the final minutes after being tagged by Barack Obama for voting to authorize the war in Iraq. Instead of eyes fixed on Obama, she began looking down at her lap, smiling to herself, probably thinking, "I blew it. I blew it. I could have been the next President of the United States if I hadn't voted for Bush's war."

Earlier during the debate, Hillary was booed by the audience for her Xerox comment, which was as lame as her criticism of Obama's kindergarten ambitions. She should refrain from using the "Ready on day one," argument; running out of cash before the end of a campaign is not a sign of fiscal responsibility. Even George Bush didn't empty the piggy bank before his nomination. She should also retire the title "Solutions," candidate. That term was buried with the Third Reich.

Her generous words to Obama at the end of the debate were conciliatory, but also hinted that she might just have been trying to crank up another sympathetic tear jerk, crack in her voice. In New Hampshire: "I just don't want to see us fall backwards..." produced the tear jerk, crack in her voice. At the end of the last debate: "I just hope we'll be able to say that about the American people..." produced no tear jerk, crack. Like the groundhog, it just wasn't moving.

Tired old cars sometimes continue dieseling after the key has switched off the engine, and like a tired old car with the engine switched off, Hillary continues her campaign. She has adopted a shrill screeching tone at Obama for his criticism of her health plan. "Shame on you!" she's shouting, waving a hand filled with mailers locked in her fist. Television viewers are jumping for the remote, lowering the sound.

Forget that remote juice is adding to global warming, a chip in the arctic, oceans rising, polar bears wandering around Manhattan; eardrums is eardrums, and they have to be protected. However, there is a renewed sympathy for Jiggs.

And her campaign continues dieseling on...

Read more by this author:

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more