Darth Vader runs for president

Funny story written by cheesehoven

Sunday, 24 February 2008

image for Darth Vader runs for president
Vader hits the campaign trail

Just hours after Ralph Nader has announced he is to run for president, Darth Vader has also thrown his helmet into the presidential ring.

In a campaign entitled Vader not Nader, he is clearly positioning himself against Nader as the chief independent candidate. Another of the Vader camps slogans, seen as a direct snub to the human rights activist, is less rights, more wrongs.

Darth Vader AKA Anakin Skywalker has only recently discovered he was born in the USA and thus eligible for President.

A spokesman said "Lord Vader would have wasted less time subjugating alien races had he known his true parentage."

The spokesman also dismissed as "racist" claims that he was not American or patriotic enough to stand.

"The dark lord of the sith is as American as apple-pie."

Darth Vader's policies are believed to be deeply conservative although with many progressive ideas which has made him acceptable to some Liberals. One recent convert is film-maker Michael Moore who has started work on a flattering documentary entitled Darth Vader: Triumph of the Will.

"This guy's incredible" Moore gushes "he's promising zero unemployment, the destruction of money and a return to medieval serfdom -only in space. He also wants to remove guns from everyone except his personal storm troopers. He's in favor of breaking up families and getting rid of welfare to work. I've waited my whole life to hear an agenda like this!"

He has also gained much support among the Green lobby after a recent speech when he suggested exterminating wealthy industrialists "so they can no longer oppose my power", but his approach to law and order and youth disciple have won him many fans among the religious right.

Vader has also been highly critical of his rival candidates. In a statement from his campaign brochure, set to woo African-American voters, he asks: "how black is Obama really? If you could see my heart, you'd say 'not very'. That's really, really black."

He has been equally scathing of John McCain.

"The senator thinks he's being tough by sending in a few troops to the Middle East. Bah. Its like a holiday camp. If I were in charge, I'd have wiped Iraq out of existence. Middle East? It would be the middle of nowhere by the time I've finished."

He seems, however, to have nothing but praise for Hillary Clinton. In a lecture given to the Institute of American Female Lawyers, he stated "I don't know why people don't like Hillary. I could have done a lot with someone like that in the Galactic Empire. We really needed more shrill, manipulative women. I could see her doing good things in a future Vader administration."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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