Bush Balks: Condi Rice to Testify Before 9/11 Commission

Funny story written by Deanna Goodson

Thursday, 1 April 2004

In a move that had more heads spinning than the death of the lady who did the voice of the demon in the "Exorcist" movie, President Bush decided that National Security Advisor, Condoleeza "But You Can Call Me Condi" Rice, would indeed have to testify before the independent commission to investigate 9/11, or whatever name they are going by this week.

"First he said nay. Now, he says yay. The man changes his mind more than John Kerry," a friend of a friend of an aide to Senator Ted Kennedy told this reporter while she was getting her hair and nails done downtown.

"You can't trust Bush. He's such a wimpy, wishy-washy man, just like his pappy. I remember one time, at band camp, the elder Bush and I…" Mr. Lon Cheney (no relation to Dick or the deceased movie star) stammered from his pulpit in a Baptist Church somewhere near Midland, TX.

"Condi shouldn't have to take the fall for Bush. It's just not right. I can't believe another administration is going to use a woman as its scapegoat," Monica Lewinsky may have said. It's not like anyone was listening to her really.

"This just doesn't look right. You know, Bush wavering back and forth and breaking promises. It's highly unusual for someone to do that before the election," Former Massachusetts Governor, Michael Dukakis' ex-gardener said.

"No matter what, Condi's not happy. Bush made her look stupid. She's got egg all over face now. She went on all the Sunday morning talk shows that no one really watches and announced how she wished she could testify. Everyone else in the world knows that's just polite-talk. She didn't want to testify. Hasn't Laura taught him anything?" Hillary Clinton's hairdresser's great-aunt twice removed could've said in the salon, but I was under the lamps and may have heard it wrong.

Of course, Condoleeza Rice's camp hasn't said much of anything. In the lunch room at the White House, one of her aides may have said to a friend, "She hasn't testified yet. Until that happens, we hold out hope that Bush will change his mind again. It's not like he hasn't done that before."

No one knows how this will pan out. Stay tuned to the Spoof for more updates.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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