Ron Paul Recovery Center Opens to Swarms of Addicts

Funny story written by natekey

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

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Ron Paul, candidate most likely to inspire addiction crazed supporters

This week in Evanston, Indiana, the first Ron Paul Addiction Recovery Center opened to swarms of patients, all desperate for reprieve from their crazed support of Republican Presidential Candidate, Ron Paul. Within the first three hours, nurses and other recovery center staff were turning away hundreds of Ron Paul supporters, urging them to seek refuge in other care-giving facilities in the city.

If Allen Jones, founder of the clinic was surprised, it didn't show.

"We've known for a while that this was a community need." He said. "It's just not physically possible to be that passionate about one thing. Today we saw some people who had literally forgotten to eat because they were so intent on watching Ron Paul YouTube Videos. My heart goes out to them. I don't want to see anyone suffer like that."

Patients are grateful to Jones and his staff.

"It was awful living like that." morned one patient, "I was spending about ten or twelve hours each day reading news articles and searching the internet for anything Ron Paul related. I'm just glad it's over. I want my life back."

Other patients were admitted with numerous paper cuts, apparently the result of hours spend holding homemade campaign signs on roadsides and highway overpasses. And another wing of the facility is dedicated to addicts who have developed carpel tunnel syndrome from blogging about Paul and posting multiple comments daily on sites containing information and new reports about the Paul campaign.

"We're planning additional sites around the country," said Jones. "Because no matter what the outcome of the [2008 Presidential] elections, Paul supporters will need a place to regain their lives when this is over with."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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