NASA will send troopers into space to monitor space shuttle astronauts

Funny story written by King David

Saturday, 20 October 2007

image for NASA will send troopers into space to monitor space shuttle astronauts
Troopers will be send into space to monitor astronauts

NASA announced today they would begin sending up troopers into space to patrol much the same way that the highway patrol monitors the nation's highways.

The new initiative, "the skyway patrol," is the first of its kind and will be responsible for patrolling the entire Milky Way said NASA officials.

"We're not concerned that this is a large area," said Captain Tom Kirk. "Our men are trained and the new cruisers can do it."

Typically, the new NASA cruisers will reach top speeds of Mach five and should be able to chase down any space shuttle, or Russian ship without too much trouble.

Since it is impractical to erect speed bumps, NASA will rely on the troopers to monitor their missions to be sure that they remain within the guidelines of NASA space shuttle driving policy and that they don't exceed safe speed limits in outer space.

"We've seen one too many of our shuttles blast off and weave into space," said NASA chief of operations Tom Weiscoff. "We want to hold our astronauts accountable. Those are expensive vehicles."

Recently, NASA pilots have been in the news for not using the best judgment in their earthly affairs.

"Chasing former lover's new love interests across the country is not responsible behavior," said one NASA official, "but they're really quite human."

When asked what the hardest part about being an astronaut is, Air Force Colonel, Tom Petty said this:

"The waiting is the hardest part. You never know if you are actually going to go, or if the mission will be scrubbed due to weather conditions changing, or mechanical failure. It's a real build up and let down when you can't go. Free falling comes a close second."

But critics say that you can't expect much more from a bunch of military officers.

"We stopped one shuttle the other day," said trooper Elton McAfferty "doing Mach one in a 1,500. "They were a bunch of Russian cosmonauts from Kazakhstan on a joy ride, part of Soused flights. When they got out of the vehicle, they kept doing summersaults in the air."

It was reported that their ship also had several bumper stickers that read: "Astronauts do it without gravity" and "Tree hugging dirt worshipper."

Why they had a bumper sticker that read, "Tree hugging dirt worshipper" is anybody's guess. The stickers were not written in Russian.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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