Clinton vote angers rivals

Funny story written by luckyfunk

Friday, 12 October 2007

image for Clinton vote angers rivals

WASHINGTON, Oct. 12 - Presidential Candidate and White House hopeful Hillary Clinton (D - NY) has come under another round of attacks over her support of another Senate resolution.

Earlier this week Clinton's rivals accused the Presidential heir of issuing George W. Bush, emperor of the Western Hemisphere and parts of the Middle East, another "blank check" in the War on Terror, currently being fought in oil producing nations the world over.

Her gaffe? Voting "yea" on a Senate measure to declare the Iranian Revolutionary Guard a terrorist group.

This time around, though, Clinton's "yea" vote broke from the majority when she voted to label another government sponsored military organization a terrorist group.

Unfortunately, this time it was the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) of the United States.

Outrage quickly came from both major parties with Rudy Giuliani issuing responding in an interview:

"Where was she on 9/11? I was there. I lived through 9/11. Where was she? The CIA was there. They were even there a few days before that too. But where was she?"

Barack Obama (D - Ill.) shook his head silently in admonishment while carefully and patriotically securing a newly acquired CIA lapel pin to his jacket. "There are some things you can't say with words. My true feelings I wear on my jacket."

In Clinton's defense, the Senator claims she was not supplied with all the facts.

"I was unable to read the entire resolution myself. One of my aides, who will be sent to Syria, perhaps Egypt, read me key pieces over the phone. Unfortunately, he did not get to the important part about this being the CIA. He just ran through the different sections on violent regime change, state sponsored assassinations, economic subversive activities, torture, civilian imprisonment, Geneva violations, and international kidnapping… I mean, yes, if another country did these things then the U.S. would have just cause to pass this resolution and liberate them. But, the U.S. is in a global war on terror and I'm a war time Senator. Our enemies don't afford us the niceties of resolutions and debate. The CIA can and must use all tactics available. We know that the U.S. doesn't torture, a fact that's been upheld in secrecy many, many times. I will be calling for a vote correction today."

It was initially unclear how this resolution made it to the Senate floor. However, it has been disclosed that this resolution was introduced as "The Effective Reclassification and Renaming Of Rogue International Syndicates of Terrorism," or simply the U.S.A. TERRORIST Resolution, a name designed to trick unwitting Senators and ultimately the American public, having nothing to do with terrorism at all.

The White House expects the resolution to fail passage citing that the Senators ultimately serve at the pleasure of the President.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more