Written by Mister Meaner

Thursday, 11 October 2007

image for Terror Camp Organiser "Had No Licence"
Terrorists in the making

Young British Muslims who undertook military-style training exercises for future terrorist activities in the UK, have revealed that the camps used for the exercises were "absolutely disgusting".

A jury at Woolwich Crown Court heard that the facilities at the camps were virtually non-existent, and that trainees went to toilet in a hole in the ground. They only had a wash when it rained, and survived exclusively on a diet of leftovers, nocturnally scavenged from the bins of a nearby fish and chip shop.

Mohammed Hamid, or Mohammid Hamed, whichever you prefer, is alleged to have organised the camps, despite neither holding a tour operator's licence, nor being a member of the English Tourist Board.

Hamid, of Clapton, is charged alongside Kadar Ahmed, Ahmed Kadar, Mohammed Ahmed, Ahmed Mohammed, Mohammed Kadar, Kadar Mohammid and Mohammid Ahmed Kadar Hamed. All of the accused refused to speak, aside from verifying their names, which took more than an hour.

Farmer Brown, the man who rented the ground upon which the filthy group pitched their tents, said that all the terrorist trainees had beards. He said:

"It was a right tip. Stunk to high heaven. They was all grimy, like they'd bin rollin' around in pigshit."

One trainee who left the camp, saying that he'd left some chemicals in the bath, was Sadiq al-U-Turn. He told the jury:

"I couldn't stand it. I had to get out of there. They were like animals."

An undercover police officer managed to infiltrate the gang, and witnessed them undergoing military-style work-outs, including jogging, forward rolls, and holding a piece of wood like a gun.

The unnamed officer said:

"One of them pointed his piece of wood at the others and made the uh-uh-uh-uh-uh sound of a rapid-fire machine gun, whilst another used a knife to slice open a melon. I was scared for my life."

David Farrell QC, prosecuting, said:

"This is exactly the sort of thing that gets the English Tourist Board a bad name."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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