Why Didn't Bubba Bomb bin Laden?

Funny story written by Chuck Terzella

Thursday, 18 March 2004

image for Why Didn't Bubba Bomb bin Laden?
Predator Drone Videotape Image

A leaked Predator drone surveillance video taken in 2000 during the Clinton Administration apparently shows Osama bin Laden standing on a farm in Afghanistan.
The tape shows bin Laden giving the finger to the drone, then mooning it.
For some reason the leaked tape has caused an uproar in the current Bush Administration as well as prompting former Clintonites to defend their decision to not to attack the farm.

Unnamed Whitehouse Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "We don't understand their (the Clinton White House) decision to not bomb bin Laden. Despite the fact that at the time they weren't absolutely positive it was bin Laden and it would have taken at least seven hours to get a missile to the spot by which time he could have been long gone, it's inconceivable to us that they wouldn't have fired off a couple of rockets at whoever was on the tape. I mean, the notion that civilians may get killed and they still might not hit their target are stupid reasons to not bomb somebody."

Former Clinton officials, speaking on the condition that George Bush is voted out of office in November said, in unison, " Given the technology we had we weren't certain that an attack at that time would have done any good. We were worried about causing casualties among innocent civilians. We're sorry."

Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of more anonymity continued, " That's the problem with those Clinton people...that whole sanctity of human life and fairness thing they had going was just weird. You see something that bothers you, you bomb it, it's as simple as that. That's our philosophy anyway and look how well it's worked. We own Iraq. Of course, property values there have dropped a bit since we took over, but what the hell, it was fun to do. All those shiny jets and missiles and things, I just love that stuff. "

Bush officials are particularly upset that the video was leaked at all. Aside from that fact that someone in their White House leaked the tape, illustrating yet another security failing along the lines of naming CIA agents for fun and profit, the drone tape also shows how aggressively the Clinton Administration was hunting for bin Laden during their term, something that contrasts unfavorably with the Bush teams lack of action in the months between taking office and September 11.

Speaking of the condition of lots and lots of anonymity Waterhouse said, " bin Laden was on our radar, as was Hussein and Iraq, but we had our priorities...helping the corporations that bought us the election, raping the environment, teaching the President to read and do simple math, you know, the usual.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more