Bin Laden sends tips on january sales

Written by Rupert Durden

Tuesday, 6 January 2004

TERROR chief Osama Bin Laden has sent a chilling message to his followers to make their money go further in the January sales.

In an audiotape message that CIA sources believe is genuine, Bin Laden urges followers to ''make a little go a long, long way'' when it comes to snapping up post-Christmas bargains.

The world's most wanted man also delivered a blistering attack on the retail industry for its ''use of an inflated pricing structure'' during the festive period.

''Many shoppers feel compelled to buy gifts for their loved ones, but they are exploited by the blatant commercialism of the retail industry,'' says Bin Laden.

''I urge those who feel like me to make their cash go further and do not be afraid to hold back your spending until the time is right, regardless of the industry pressures.''

Military sources are still probing a possible link between the release of the audiotape two days ago and the sighting of major terrorist suspect Sheikh Al-Tiramisu in a Kandahar sports warehouse while on a suspected shopping trip.

A member of staff who wished to remain anonymous said: ''He was clearly leafing through a variety of sports clothing and seemed to favour easy-to-wear but fashionable styles.

''One thing I did notice was use of pocket calculator to tot up prices.

''I have no doubt that value for money was foremost in his mind.''

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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