Columbia University awards Ahmadinejad Honorary Doctorate in Humanities

Written by Noshing Mink

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

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Ahmadinejad: "Iranians are a peace-loving people"

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad received a warm reception from students at Columbia University yesterday when he delivered a speech questioning the Holocaust, denying the existence of Al Qaeda, pretending there are no gay people in Iran, and threatening to destroy the state of Israel.

The visit had been condemned by many U.S. politicians, some of whom believe that America should be bombing Iran rather than inviting its leader round for dinner. University President Bolloxer tried to appease critics of the visit by introducing Ahmadinejad with some harsh words, saying:

"I give you President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, but he's a naughty, naughty man."

The pint-sized despot appeared unfazed as he stridently condemned Jews, Americans, Gays and Women across the world. When he shrieked abuse at Israel over the Palestinian Issue, students leapt to their feet with ecstatic applause. Some female students got so excited that they threw their bras on stage. He eventually received a standing ovation with cries of "More, more!", was dragged back on stage for a further 3-minute tirade against Britain, then took a bow and left, signing autographs on the way.

Later, the University awarded Ahmadinejad an Honorary Doctorate in Humanities.

Republicans on Capitol Hill expressed outrage demanding that the Iranian President's next visit should be to the University of Guantanamo Bay and that Columbia should be renamed Pussyville University.

Bolloxer announced that next year he would be inviting Robert Mugabe, President, Comedian and Timeshare King of Zimbabwe.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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