Monica Lewinsky sold her famous semen stained dress at an auction today for $2.6 million to internet millionaire Ricky Pittsburgh, according to Sotheby's Auction House in Los Angeles.
"This dress is priceless", said Sotheby's auction manager Raul Paul. "This dress represents the downfall and impeachment of a presidency! It represents America's shift to the right! If not for this dress the war in Iraq may never have happened!"
The $2.6 million is twice the price of the dress Marilyn Monroe wore when she sang "Happy Birthday" to John F. Kennedy in 1962. Experts suggest that Monroe's dress would have commanded a much higher price if it was also semen stained.
"Ms. Monroe spent over a thousand dollars on her dress and she only wore it once", said semen-stain expert Sid Greenburg. "Dresses like that never get stained. She changed into something more comfortable before she had sex with the president. But Monica was wearing a simply cotton dress and thong panties which are both ideal for semen staining".
"Not only is it semen stained but it also has some of Monica's vaginal secretions!" Pittsburgh exclaimed. "I wish I could have gotten her panties too but I heard she already washed those".
Prior to the stained dress episode President Bill Clinton enjoyed a reputation as an excellent President and statesman. After the episode the entire Democratic Party fell in disgrace and the Republicans took power. However, most Republicans have since proven to be closet homosexuals and pedophiles and the United States has again begun a shift to the left.
"I'd rather have a guy get a blow job from an female intern than have some guy going after me in the men's room at an airport", said Los Angeles area bartender Andrew Spiegelman.
"I need the money. I spent eveything I had on food", Ms Lewinsky said after the auction.
