Makers of Baby Einstein markets Home Lead Testing Chemistry Set, amid controversy of its own

Written by Robert W. Armijo

Tuesday, 21 August 2007

image for Makers of Baby Einstein markets Home Lead Testing Chemistry Set, amid controversy of its own
Makers of Baby Einstein markets Home Lead Testing Chemistry Set, amid controversy of its own

New York, New York - With over 18 million lead tainted toys manufactured in China recalled so far, near panic, if not deep seeded concern for the welfare of children has spread worldwide. In the midst of this crisis, the makers of Baby Einstein home educational products has made a controversial marketing decision to release a new product specifically designed to test toys for lead contamination, addressing parents' concerns. Critics call it nothing short of exploitation.

Makers of the Baby Einstein new product line, however, defend their decision to market a home lead resting chemistry set calling it negligent of them not to do so, in time of crisis. They deny the move is an attempt to draw away criticisms from its own line of magical learning system videos, which a study out of the University of Washington suggest is a hindrance to the leaning process of young children.

"Our targeted market focus group is a very sophisticated," said a spokesman Baby Einstein. "If we did not come out with this home lead testing chemistry set so that our customer's children can test their own toys, we would never be forgiven. Besides, might I point out that none of our products are made in China, unlike the visceral toys of our lowbrow, mouth breathing, so-called competitors."

Baby Einstein maintains that it is not exploiting parents' fears but rather alleviating them. Providing parents, not only the opportunities to discover that leaning is truly an interactive experience, or to satisfy their child's natural aptitude for scientific curiosity, but also, actually identify which of their children's toys are tainted with lead, within 99.98 percent degree of accuracy.

"This is the second one my Daddy had to get me," said 9-year-old Michelle, "Because the other one got too contaminated with all the positive lead test samplings."

Reportedly, the only drawback is awaiting the test results, as it takes approximately 15 minutes for the home testing chemistry set to show a test sample is positive or negative.

"That might not sound like a long time," said one concerned parent, while awaiting the test results. "But you got to remember you have to test every single [censored] Chinese manufactured [censored] toy. You don't know how many [censored] toys my kid has, believe me you don't want to know. This is my second testing set this week so far, and I'm not nearly half way done testing my kid's toys yet. And I can't get her to throw out a single one unless I test it first. Not the one I tell you."

AT $49.99 per unit, merchants are having difficulty keeping them on the shelves.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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