Washington DC - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Politicians juggling dead-cat-bounce approval ratings do some very strange things. Former Prime Monster Tony Blair, for instance, paid one of the Labour Party's biggest lenders Sir Chris 'Bung' Evans to shag his wife Cherie and the ensuing progeny was born in 2000 in Downing Street, the first to a serving Prime Monster for nearly 200 years.
And now it's George W Bush's turn for an absolute brainwave! A white wedding in the White House for twin daughter (sic) Jenna Bush!
The news was announced today that 25 year old Jenna has become engaged to Henry Hagar The Horrible, a 29 year old former intern for Karl Rove's fantasy fiction department.
Jenna is said to be 'exstatic' despite the unfortunate name of her beau.
Hagar, as everybody knows, is an archetypica Viking warrior, horribly overweight and prone to promoting Skol lager on UK TV.
In the UK he is also well known for his eponymous Horrible Viking Handbook which teaches looting, rape and pillage and other associated activities.
Typically illiterate, Hagar is also portrayed as an eager bridegroom and potentially reliable family man but obsessed with evading taxes and pursuing graft instead of gainful employment.
His UK CV states that Hagar's voracious appetite for pillaging and plundering is matched only for his thirst for alcohol and his mother-in-law's home-baked cookies.
He hates taking baths, is covered from head to toe in zits and emits a foul halitosis whenever he opens his mouth.
"But his saving grace is that he has a fifteen inch penis and women just go w-i-l-d about him after just one shag!"
Today's engagement announcement hints broadly at an April 1st wedding next year in the White House with a small but intimate guest list approaching 2,500 hand-picked personal guests.
Further details are expected soon.
