Bush Releases Campaign Ads

Funny story written by Leanna Lawrence McCormick

Thursday, 4 March 2004

image for Bush Releases Campaign Ads
A stereotypical gay man, in drag, featured in the advertisement.

Washington, DC--Now that the Democrats have finally selected a presidential candidate, President George Bush's campaign released a series of television ads this week. The ads focus on Bush's leadership during "difficult times" yet oddly contain no snide remarks or mudslinging of any sort.

One of the prominent ads, titled "Tested", showcases an American flag flying in front of World Trade Center ruins while Bush narrates something about leading the country through difficult times. Very touchy-feely, grab at your heartstrings type stuff.

The more interesting and controversial ad in the series features overtly gay couples frolicking in San Francisco while awaiting their turns to exchange wedding vows. The use of gay stereotypes in the 60-second clip is astounding. The women (wearing suits and tuxes) are all slightly over-weight with mullets, and the men (wearing gorgeous sequined wedding gowns in varying colors) sport made-up faces straight out of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. While the gender-challenged folk dance, get high, and grope one another in a true Bacchus-inspired frenzy, the President narrates as follows:

"Our country has endured tremendous loss and hardships in the past four years. All the horrible things, from the WTC bombings, to the Afganistan/Osama Bin Laden thing, to the ongoing battles in Iraq, cannot compare to the travesty of what I will simply call ‘San Francisco.' Yes, my fellow Americans, faggots are marrying each other out there in California, and at an alarmingly high rate. Hundreds of them, maybe even millions a day. You see how they dance, how they dress? They are making a mockery of our time-honored institution of marriage. At this rate, they will take over our country in 20, maybe 23 years. Yes, I know what you are thinking. They can't reproduce, how can they take over anything? Well, that's just one of the many, many things I cannot answer at this time. But our intelligence sources strongly believe that the gays are amassing against us. This November, America needs you to vote in favor of common decency. Vote for me, George Washington Bush, and I will make sure homosexuals are treated as the new axis of evil they have become."

Look for the ads to start popping on most of the cable networks in the coming weeks.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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