In a gesture of generosity rare in today's political world, Monica Lewinsky, famed fellationist and lover of Cuban cigars, offered herself to the winner of the Democratic Presidential nomination.
"I'd be happy to work under any of those big boys when they go for the top job," said Miss Lewinsky, whose inflatable doll lips have haunted the dreams of many a middle-aged male. "Working at the White House in the President's private office I had my hands on the lever of power. Bill Clinton taught me many things - self-control, how to work an audience, the importance of principle and sincerity. And the power of ambition. I'd love to be the Democratic Party's candidate for Vice President, and open myself to the people of this great country of ours."
TheSpoof political analyst Carl Marks is sceptical of the impact this offer will make on the Democrats. "Monica Lewinsky is big, it's true, but size isn't everything. Her bush can't compete with Dubbya Bush when it comes to the things people hate. A Kerry/Lewinsky ticket might appeal to some people - hell, I'd like to see the videos of that one myself - but the fact is she's last century's story. Now if Janet Jackson were to offer herself for VP - that would upset the right. If she showed the left one as well that would be even better."