Breaking News! Rolling Stones front man Mick Jagger has just announced that he plans to retire. This comes only days after the rock crooner held a press conference to discuss his recent plastic surgery, which apparently went dreadfully wrong.
"I give it up, look, I'm really freakin'old anyway", Jagger said. "Who wants to come see some old fart sing forty year old songs?"
Jagger said that the plastic surgery was a last ditch effort to look young again and that, obviously, it had failed. Jagger refused, on advice of his attorney to name the physician who performed the procedure. There is some speculation, however, that the surgery was performed in south Texas and that the "physician" may have been an undocumented worker who was in the United States illegally, doing surgical procedures that American doctors refuse to do.