Homeland Security Director Chertoff Announces New Regulation for Commercial Flights

Funny story written by Sal Manella

Sunday, 8 July 2007

image for Homeland Security Director Chertoff Announces New Regulation for Commercial Flights
New plan seeks to make commercial flights safer.

Michael Chertoff, Director of the Department of Homeland Security, announced today the implementation of new rules for airline travelers. Whereas, in the past, the focus had been on preventing explosive devices from being carried aboard commercial aircraft, the new paradigm entails allowing passengers to bring personal explosives aboard flights as long as such explosives are identified and labeled.

Dubbed Operation Our Plane Safety, or OOPS, the plan is the brainchild of President George W. Bush. According to DHS Director Chertoff, the president roused him from sleep with a call at 3:30am. "I woke up to the phone ringing and noticed that it was the White House. At first I started to just turn off the phone, but something inside me compelled me to answer the call. Well, I answered and it was President Bush and he said 'Mikey, I got a plan to increase airline security.'" I said "let me have it" and the president explained the plan to me in about ten minutes. I tell you, the man's a genius", Chertoff said.

Reaction to the new plan has been mixed, with opponents using phraseology such as "screwy" and "insanely dangerous" to describe it. Strong support came from the National Rifle Association, however. NRA spokesman Charlton Heston raved about the new security plan, calling it "a welcome safeguard to our 2nd Amendment rights."

Sal Manella

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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