CDC Issues List of Phony American Diseases

Funny story written by drugtestallpoliticians

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

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This guy has OCD, ADD, RLS, and PhD!

Atlanta, Ga (IP) - The Center for Disease Control has issued a list of diseases which occur only in the United States and these only exist in the minds of wealthy Hollywood prima donna glitter queens and wanna be copy cat types.

Bulimia and anorexia are at the top of the list. You won't find these pseudo-diseases where people lack food. Not one case of these two diseases can be found in Africa, India, Pakistan, Cuba, and in the Chinese countryside. These diseases come about as a result of worshiping at the altar of cultural expectations, ie; you do not see fat people in glamor commercials nor in soap boxes or shows like Desperate Housewives. Bulimia and anorexia are merely a return to the decadence of the Roman empire where purging was common place. Furthermore these two diseases are a badge of honor and status symbols and their rapid spread among the working classes can be directly attributed to nothing more than mass hysteria and the desire among dullard women folk to emulate their skanky Hollywood role models.

Attention deficit disorder is too included in the list. Boys will be boys, say the researchers, and how inconvenient it is for the over-active sugar addicted, spoiled little rotten brats to come home just when mommy is settling back at 4:00 PM to enjoy Oprah and Dr. Phil while she is just getting off on her cocktail of vicadin and white wine. The Doctors and the big pharmaceutical corporations make billions of dollars a year on Ritalin and other drugs that ensure little Johnny is too buzzed out of his mind to interfere with Mommy's favorite shows.

Also used in conversations as a modern status symbol.

The big pharma chemists that came up with "restless leg syndrome" could barely keep a straight face as they presented this wild invention, whose concept would be swallowed hook, line, and sinker by hypochondriacs, all too eager to also swallow the expensive, bitter tasting placebos used to cure this non-disease.

Non-existent condition, Fibromyalgia, has a million symptoms. The hypochondriac can be prescribed vicadin and other highly addictive pain killers and sedatives which are often mixed with the use of alcoholic drinks thus allowing the user (usually women) an excuse to let the dishes pile high in the sink and to forget about he husband's impotence. Many doctors will agree - at least the ones with any ethics.

Anxiety disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Two catchall designations allowing the over-prescription of dangerous and addictive drugs that make billions for doctors and the big pharmaceutical giants pushing this dope.

Next week the CDC will issue reports on addiction of millions of people to needless sleeping pills, selective deafness as well as the expanding use of phony handicap parking permits by perfectly healthy people connected to the local governments who issue them and on expensive phony diet pills sold to people too lazy to eat less and move more.

Also discussed will be America's addiction circumcision and to plastic surgery and other unnecessary, dangerous, and wasteful medical practices.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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