JFK and Castro Murder Plots Described in CIA "Jewel File"

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Wednesday, 27 June 2007

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A CIA victim

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- The CIA has revealed that it arranged for the Mafia to murder Fidel Castro, and when that plot failed, for the same team to assassinate US President John F. Kennedy.

The shocking revelations are made in the just released "Family Jewels" file of clandestine and illegal plots and murders by the American Gestapo.

The "Family Jewels" file is a set of internal memos compiled in the mid-1970s about CIA dirty tricks.

In 1973, CIA director James Schlessinger, intrigued by the CIA's corrupt past and its recent illegal activities for Richard Nixon at Watergate and elsewhere, ordered divisions within the CIA to report any activities they had engaged in since 1959 that were outside the CIA's authority. Deputy Director William Colby then assembled the massive number of memos that poured in, and the whole package totaled 7000 pages.

They detail the joint CIA-Mafia attempt to assassinate Fidel Castro and the recruitment of mobster Johnny Roselli for the Castro hit; CIA surveillance, blackmailing and smearing of American reporters and political dissidents in collaboration with the CIA, the Pentagon and the Secret Service; chemical warfare operations; actual photos of E. Howard Hunt and other CIA/Mafia operatives on the grassy knoll in Dallas; as well as documents detailed CIA work at the Watergate Hotel.

In a recent speech, General Michael Hayden, the CIA's director, hailed the declassification of the "Family Jewels." He remarked, "The documents provide a glimpse of a the glorious past of the CIA as it worked with the FBI, and the Mafia to undermine the American Republic and even take out JFK and RFK."

One Jewel memo notes that the CIA had Project OFTEN that collected "data on dangerous drugs from US firms" until the program was terminated in the fall of 1972. Another memo reports that commercial drug manufacturers "passed on" to the CIA drugs "pulled from US consumer products because of unfavorable side effects." These drugs were then tested using volunteers from the US military.

Another memo described the CIA's MK-ULTRA program of mind control which they used so effectively on Nixon and Nikita Khrushchev. That program was run by Sidney Gottlieb, a psychiatrist and chemist. As part of this program, the CIA slipped LSD and other psychoactive drugs to senior political leaders, to several Popes, to American opponents of the Vietnam war, and many others. Another memo described how the CIA fixed Teddy Kennedy's car.

Gottlieb, according to another document in the file, also provided poison for the assassination attempt against Patrice Lumumba, the anti-colonial prime minister of the Republic of Congo, among others.

The memos also describe how the CIA worked with the Pentagon and the FDA to cover up the nightmarish genetic effects of uranium and doses of radiation from x-rays, tritium and other radioactive sources.

Hayden added, "Now Bush allows us to spy on anyone and to torture anyone in secret dungeons and prisons around the world on behalf of Exxon Mobil and Israel. We also work closely with Mossad and successfully staged 9/11 among our operations. We also staged the Gulf of Tonkin incident that led to the Vietnam War. Fortunately, much of our wonderful CIA work was kept out of the Jewel File."

-Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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