USA Investigates British Corruption and Bribes

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Wednesday, 27 June 2007

image for USA Investigates British Corruption and Bribes
Blair covers up corruption

LONDON (FMLiveWire) -- BAE Systems shares plummeted on Tuesday after the British weapons maker was subpoenaed by the US Department of Justice seeking information on its billion dollar bribes behind its £43 billion contract to supply military equipment to Saudi Arabia.

"WTF is Georgie doing?" asked outgoing British Prime Minister Tony Blair upon hearing about the US action. "I successfully killed an investigation and covered that scandal up. I thought we had an understanding. Well, there won't be anymore nookie for Georgie now."

As Gordon Brown becomes Prime Minister, shares in the BAE group tumbled 10%, destroying £1.6 billion worth of the company.

Revelations of illegal payments by BAE date back two decades in the sleazy deal that supplied Saudi Arabia with BAE's Tornado jets and other military hardware.

BAE has been fighting public outrage as reports this month revealed the group had paid over £1bn in bribes to Prince Bandar bin Sultan, the former Saudi ambassador to the US, to secure the contracts.

Six months ago the British Serious Fraud Office (SFO) was ordered by Blair and Lord Goldsmith, the Attorney General, to drop its investigation into corruption in the deal due to fears it would damage Britain's reputation and its relations with the Saudis.

An SFO spokesman said the Saudi contract investigation "was closed because a bunch of upper class twits leaned on us."

Yet the SFO continues to investigate BAE corruption in contracts with Romania, Albania, Canada, the Czech Republic, Tanzania, Iceland, Poland, Sweden, France, Germany, Libya, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Venezuela, Switzerland, China, Russia, Chad, South Africa, and dozens of other countries.

Vincent Cable, the deputy leader of the UK's Liberal Democrats, said, "It is extraordinary and embarrassing that we have to rely on the higher standards in the United States to investigate the corruption that Blair covered up by a British company in its overseas business operations."

US Vice President Dick Cheney said that if anyone was going to be corrupt and land deals like those "it will be US weapons corporations and not those British poofs. I want my share."

-Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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