Written by Warren Redlich

Saturday, 16 June 2007

image for Rudy Giuliani Endorses Flushable Hemorrhoid Wipes
Rudy Giuliani needs a wipe

Rudy Giuliani took a bold step in his campaign today, announcing his support for flushable hemorrhoid wipes. "This simple technology will help America deal with the terror of a serious health problem," the former Mayor said at a benefit for hemorrhoid victims.

Giuliani was the keynote speaker at the Stop Hemorrhoids In Time benefit in Newark, New Jersey. The organization was founded by Owmibung Holertz, a billionaire entrepreneur. Holertz, a child of poor immigrants, built an empire on rectal care products after both his parents died from untreated hemorrhoids.

At the benefit, Giuliani spoke about how hemorrhoids have been a constant problem in his life, and how treatment had made it possible for him to accomplish as much as he has. "My critics have often said I act like I've got something up my, well, you know, and that's not it. It's the hemorrhoids. But with proper care and treatment, and especially with regular use of flushable hemorrhoid wipes, I've really been able to do a lot more."

Rudy Giuliani is not the first politician to endorse the wipes, as they were previously endorsed by a little-known 2006 Republican congressional candidate in upstate New York.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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