GAO Gives Cheney Thumbs Up

Written by Bobby Lon Berman

Friday, 6 February 2004

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Antonin Scalia and Dick Cheney have been feeling the heat ever since it was revealed the pair went to Patterson, Louisiana last month to hunt ducks. The Supreme Court Justice traveled as an official guest of the Vice President on a small government jet that served as Air Force Two. The revelation cast further doubts about whether Scalia can be an impartial judge in Cheney's upcoming case before the Supreme Court. But the folks down at the General Accounting Office (GAO), which ensures the accountability of the federal government for the American people, have nothing but high praise for the two officials.

Vice President Cheney's office recently sent the GAO their department's expense records for January and it was revealed Cheney was originally planning to fly to Newfoundland, Canada to hunt baby harp seals that weekend. But after his staff informed him that such a trip would cost taxpayers $50,000 more than the original allocated amount, he made the change to Louisiana. At this morning's White House briefing, Scott McCllelan had nothing but high praise for the vice president's actions.

"This is the type of fiscal responsibility we expect from our government officials," McCllelan told the press corp. "When Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin heard this morning about the vice president missing out on his Canadian outing, he called him to say a very special gift was on its way. I don't think I'd be letting the cat out of the bag if I told you the prime minister is personally seeing to it that the finest harp seals will be found and bludgeoned to make Mrs.Cheney a coat that will be the envy of all Washington."

Henry Lindford of the Toronto Star then asked if, in addition to the coat, the vice president would be getting the male seals' penis bones, which are highly valued by the indigenous people of the North. At that moment McClellan's face turned a bright red and he said, "We're not about to fall to the level of some football half-time show, now are we? Next question."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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