Government official announces new Department of Unfunded Mandates and Empty Rhetoric

Saturday, 24 January 2004

image for Government official announces new Department of Unfunded Mandates and Empty Rhetoric
Andrew Card Explains The Reorganization

A government official, who declined to be named for this article, announced Today the formation of a new cabinet-level position overseeing a new department, the Department of Unfunded Mandates and Empty Rhetoric. The Department will be housed in an undeveloped estate in West Virginia. A statue of the greek goddess Metis has been recently erected, and construction is to start on offices "in the next few months."

Andrew Card, the White House Chief of Staff, explained the logic. "Many of the president's priorities have not been clear to some people, for whatever reason. When you are in a department, or working on an initiative, and it's moved to this new department, you are going to know where you stand." Offices immediately affected by the change include the FreedomFUEL initiative, the No Child Left Behind act, and Clear Water Act enforcement officials. Plaques representing job training initiatives and prisoner re├źntry programs introduced in this year's State of the Union address are also being prepared for an expected door.

Amie Turgow, administrator for the President's Initiative for AIDS in Africa, is happy to be leaving the environs of the Department of Health and Human Services. "We didn't really want to be around the Washington pencil pushers. We're people of action and, well, we can't afford pencils"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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