Murdoch Buys BBC

Written by bunny

Thursday, 29 January 2004

After his loyalty during the Hutton drama, Rupert Murdoch will be allowed to table a bid before parliament for the BBC. Murdoch's News Corp. papers proved their loyalty to the Government by printing details of the leaked Hutton report, before opposition parties received it; Giving the Prime Minister Mr Blair enough time to get his good spin into the collective, punitive mind, sorry public mind, there by ensuring no questions could be asked, or political capital gained from Blair's blatant fixing of the report.

Murdoch will be allowed to enter one bid, with no negotiation. No other parties will be allowed to join the bidding, for the bid to be successful it will have to be approved by parliament.

A downing street spokeswomen informed waiting hacks "It is true the any bid would have to be excepted by parliament, but as we've seen with the Higher education bill, opposition is futile, we've got a 161 MP majority and most of ‘em can be cajoled, bullied or just plain threatened into doing as we say. After all as Tony said after the 1997 election they are but ambassadors of the government. I see no reason why Mr Murdoch won't be the new owner of the BBC next week."

Murdoch has promised to up hold the traditions of the BBC, he will not sack Michael Fish and Paxman will still present newsnight. Although Murdoch, very, very junior, who will take over as chairman did suggest that "the left wing rants he comes out will have to stop, he'll be working for a big fat global corporation now and we don't tolerate freedom of thought or speech."

Murdoch has also promised to bring sport back to the BBC "Once we've finalised the deal, which should be within the next two minutes; Tony's just having a quick glance at the pictures. We'll bring back football rights, cricket rights, and even the rugby. You see I never meant to stop you all watching sport, I just needed that leaver to get control of the Beeb" he explained before dragging Tony back into number 10 by the ear muttering "now I've got control you can have it all back, bloody bunch of pansy's the lot of ‘em heh Tone?"
"Y-y-yes Mr Murdoch sir" mumbled the Prime Minister as he tripped up the step.

Conservative Leader Michael Howard branded the decision a disgrace, "I can't believe it!" he quipped "I mean he's donated less than £10 million to the party and hasn't even won ‘em the election yet, its no way to run a political party that isn't. Fools should have made him wait till after the Sun had bagged the general election for them, that's what we were going to do, never mind. If we get in we'll sell ITV to Lord Black instead, ought to raise us a couple of million at least."

Lib Dem spokesmen were unavailable for comment, they were restraining Charles Kennedy, who upon hearing the news of Murdoch's imminent purchase, grabbed his neighbours shot guns and yelled "Right that f***ing does it, I gonna kill the wee bastard, he's gone to far. I can cope with illiterate socialists, or even right wing xenophobes but this namby pamby suck dick third way is too damn much!"
Before storming to his car and demanding "To London and bloody step on it."

His aides arrived just in time to drag him from the car, before it sped out of the gates to his Scottish home.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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