Students revolt over pint top up fees

Funny story written by Gareth Carpenter

Sunday, 25 January 2004

image for Students revolt over pint top up fees
Students: "Top up our pints or else"

UK students have hit out at a controversial government plan to introduce pint top up fees in university bars.

Education secretary Charles Clarke said that any student complaining about the size of their pint and asking for a top up would have to pay a small penalty fee.

"Most students are parasitic whingers who always have to moan about something," he told the House of Commons. "By introducing top up fees, at last they will be forced to put something back into society."

Natiional Union of Students spokesman Toby Plughurst said students would be boycotting pubs in protest.

"The boycotts will begin at 11pm every night," he said.

A Gallup survey last year revealed that a staggering 82% of students buying a pint always came back to the barman saying that it wasn't full.

Head barman at Cardiff University Students' Union Rees Baldwyn said he had almost come to blows with aggrieved customers who had accused him of serving undersized pints.

"It's a bloody disgrace," he said. "They come in here after their daily quota of two lectures, have a moan that they can't afford to live and then have the nerve to tell me to fill their drinks up to the top. Bring back conscription."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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