Californians Restart Fires To Curb Boredom, Create Jobs

Funny story written by Steve Shaw

Saturday, 15 November 2003

SAN FERNANDO-Residents of Southern California re-set the fires which plagued the area for about two weeks out of sheer boredom. "With the fires gone, there's nothing left to talk about," said one. "We used to just sit around all day and say ‘Hey, how about them fires?' But we can't do that anymore. We want that back."

Local newspapers also rejoiced with the resetting of the blazes. "Holy crap," said a relieved John Carrol, editor of the Los Angeles Times. "I thought for a minute there, we were going to have to do some journalistic work and report some stories. We had a little scare there."

Others were not as concerned with the fact that the fires were no longer there for them to talk about, but rather the fact that many firefighters are now out of jobs. "In an already sluggish state economy," said San Fernando Valley resident and fire starter Adam Benning, "how can we really afford to not restart these fires and lose jobs? It simply isn't good economic practice. And besides the firefighters, think about the contractors who are rebuilding homes as we speak! What are they going to do when all the homes are rebuilt? The only way I can see out of this mess is to keep on restarting these fires."

Governor-elect Schwarzenegger applauded the efforts of the tireless citizens, saying "In this economic crisis, the last thing we really need is more jobs being eliminated. These Californians are doing a great thing for our state."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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