Saddam Invented Weapons of Mass Destruction to Impress Girlfriend

Funny story written by Andy Tattersall

Wednesday, 4 February 2004

Evidence has come to light that former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein made up the ploy of weapons of mass destruction so that he could impress a potential girlfriend over the internet.

The latest revelations were leaked out of the Pentagon, in a series of printed e-mails sent between Saddam and a woman from America, which were supplied by a high-ranking military official.

The 45 e-mails, which were sent between April 20th to June 3rd 2002, document a conversation between the maniacal palace-loving leader and a woman from Compton, Los Angeles.

In the e-mails Saddam mentions ‘weapons of mass destruction' on seven separate occasions with the woman acknowledging them just twice.
Our source from the Pentagon confirmed that Saddam had originally contacted the woman through an internet lonely hearts chat-room.

The woman in question is revealed in the e-mails as Shalonica Depontic, a hospital receptionist at the Compton General Hospital.

Depontic, who's husband is currently on death row for a killing two men with his bare hands, was unavailable to comment but has released this statement via her lawyers.
‘Damn, I knew that fool was lying, all along he promised me this and promised me that. The guy's a sucker, I finally get to see him on television and he looked nothing like the picture he sent me. A friend tells me that it's a picture of Tom Selleck, I never watched Magnum so don't know.

When my boy in prison finds out he's gonna go break out of jail and and go over to Iraq and pop a cap in this fool's ass.'

The Pentagon source admitted that they had known of the e-mails for several months before they finally took the decision to invade Iraq. They also added that they were sorry for the break up of this relationship as it was just beginning to blossom.

One of the e-mails read:

"My dearest darling shalonica, how I long for the day that you can come to my country so that I can show you my weapons of mass destruction. I will take you to one of my many palaces where you will be treated like a queen, but if you tell anyone where it is you will disappear and so will your infidel family."

The Pentagon source told us: "It was obvious what Saddam was after with this woman, it wasn't companionship but a lure to bring every gullible woman from America to Iraq. Let's face it, who wouldn't be impressed with a guy who owns a hundred palaces and a Republican Army."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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