Parents Horrified as Teen Fries Family Pet after All-night Jam Session

Funny story written by Carol Hiller

Saturday, 26 May 2007

image for Parents Horrified as Teen Fries Family Pet after All-night Jam Session
Kitty (file photo)

Tammy Jean and Booger McNulty, mother and newly-acquired stepfather of fifteen-year-old Albert Ray Bunt, Jr., sat helplessly by as young Albert Ray literally petted the family cat to death in a bizarre music-related incident this past weekend, according to a report filed at the Kern County Sheriff's Department.

Sparks flew in the kitchen of the family's modest Bakersfield home when the teen entered from the garage at approximately 7:45 AM, picked up the animal, and began scratching her behind the ears.

"All of a sudden the air was all bright and crackly. That cat's hair stood up on end the minute Albert Ray picked her up, but she didn't really seem to be struggling or nothing," recalled Tammy Jean, 32. "It was like all of a sudden she couldn't move, and my boy was just shooting out sparks like the firecrackers Booger got in Tijuana last year for Fourth of July."

"We think it was all them electric guitars and amps and things the kids had been wailing on all night. They must've got all loaded up with electricity, and then it was only a matter of time. I thank the Lord it was just the cat," added Booger, 23, still visibly shaken from the incident.

Officer Lewis Gene Randall, 47, a Kern County Deputy Sheriff on patrol in the area, responded to a 911 call from a neighbor who'd seen the unusual blue aura surrounding the back of the McNulty home. Upon entering through the kitchen door, the officer found the stunned family poking at the expired cat with rubber spatulas.

Albert Ray was not taken into custody. "There wasn't nothing I could charge him with. As far as I could tell, the cat just sucked in all that built-up electricity and it was too much for it to take," explained the officer.

"I got to agree with Booger," he added. "Even an old cat like this one can be a fire hazard when you start petting it too much. Add a kid hopped up on a night of Foo Fighters covers and it's a recipe for disaster. I call it God's blessing that nobody wanted bacon that morning, otherwise that kitchen would have gone up like an ammo dump."

Although he refuses to speak to anyone about the incident, young Albert Ray is reported to have kept his electric guitar in its case and applied himself to his studies.

"He says he don't want to be a rock star no more," said his mother. "Now he wants to go to Bible college to be an animal missionary. The Lord surely works in mysterious ways," she added.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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