Stewart Rhodes, founder of the extremist group, The Oathkeepers, is in court, fighting for his right to overthrow the American government.
His lawyers have found an interesting angle as his defense. They are saying everything Stew did to overthrow his nation was cuz he was waiting for Trump to give him the go-ahead, but that never came.
I asked my Zen sensei, Master You Punkassbitch, how to overthrow such a defense.
“If I get a gun and some bullets, and wish with all my heart to kill and kill and kill, and tell everyone to do and feel likewise – but then they guy who told me to kill got stuck in the shitter with explosive diarrhea and never showed up, am I still a ‘potential’ killer?”
Wow. Again, my sensei blew my mind. So if I get the ingredients to make a bomb, then assemble the bomb, but no one tells me to light the fuse, am I a criminal? Hmmm … (you know, those people who died from the Unibomber’s bombs didn’t HAVE TO open those packages … so was it really Ted K’s fault?)
If a tree falls in the forest, and Donald Trump is busy counting all the money he stole from his supporters, has the tree been raped by QANON – with the Oath Keepers lining up for sloppy seconds? Hmmm …
Fascinating Socratic logic … which makes no fucking sense. If a man is locked in a prison cell but says he’s innocent, is he still serving time?
I wonder how many other fascinating questions Stewie’s lawyers will think up bizarre answers to. The case continues …
