Trump Says: Children Will Steal Absentee Ballots

Written by K.C. Bell

Sunday, 31 May 2020

image for Trump Says: Children Will Steal Absentee Ballots
"Bobby and Jimmy can't be trusted."

Trump says that this nation can not have an election by absentee ballot, because children will go down the street and get into mailboxes and steal the votes.

Oy vey!

He was also quoted as saying, “If we use absentee ballots, I’ll never win an election.”


Who knew that Donald Trump was so perceptive? Of course, the prediction of children stealing absentee ballots was a self-serving accusation, like the fat man saying, “I’ll lock up the cookies, or kids are going to steal and eat all the cookies.”

On the other hand, US investigative agencies announced that Russia, (headed by Trump’s good pal Vladimir Putin) meddled with the 2016 presidential election to help Donald Trump.

One question: If little Bobby and Jimmy do, indeed, steal ballots, why is Donald Trump so convinced that Bobby and Jimmy would not take votes to help Donald Trump?

Is Trump suggesting that little Bobby and Jimmy were only stealing ballots that were firm supporters of former Vice President Joe Biden? That Bobby and Jimmy would never take a vote for Donald Trump?

Anyway, why would Bobby and Jimmy steal a ballot for Donald Trump? Trump already has Vladimir Putin set up to hack into the 2020 election system as he cut into the 2016 election. But for 79,646 votes cast in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania, Trump would have lost the election.

Trump even said at his campaign rally, “Russia, if you’re listening…” After US intelligence agencies and the House and Senate investigative committees found that Russia had indeed meddled with the 2016 election, Trump called their findings a “hoax”.

Forget Bobby and Jimmy. Vote by the US Mail.

Read more by this author:

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more