Social Security Administration, Washington, D. C. Exclusive to The Spoof. The bean counters at the Social Security HQ quietly announced today that the retirement fund, expected to be bankrupt by 2035, will remain solvent for decades beyond that date. The reason: the high death rate caused by the Covid-19 virus among those now collecting or soon to be collecting monthly benefits.
Almost simultaneously, officials at the New York Teachers' Retirement Fund, which was underfunded by almost a half trillion dollars, are breathing easier, as the virus in that state has reduced the number of retirees receiving benefits. They also note that many teachers nearing retirement have succumbed to the virus, further reducing the future obligations of the fund.