U.S. Held Hostage By Tump And His Gang

Written by K.C. Bell

Sunday, 26 April 2020

image for U.S. Held Hostage By Tump And His Gang
"Going for a coronavirus touchdown on the 4th of July."

Yes, the United States is being held hostage by an incompetent Donald Trump, who illegitimately secured the White House in collaboration with Russia’s Vladimir Putin, whose middle finger was heavily placed on the election scale of 2016.

The gang consists of Mitch McConnell, William Barr, Fox News, and free safety Rudolf Giuliani. Mike Pence thinks he’s in the gang, but he’ll be replaced in a snap with Sarah Palin if Biden picks a female as a vice president running mate.

“Wait, I’m going to be replaced by a woman?”

Put it in the bank.

Feeling trapped before the coronavirus pandemic by Trump’s failed presidency, taxpayers now feel doomed. All Trump does is fire people, watch television, and speak in platitudes during press conferences.

The only one running for a successful touchdown during this pandemic appears to be Andrew Cuomo, the Governor of New York. Cuomo’s game is slow and methodically, lateraling the ball to California’s Governor Gavin Newsom, also moving it toward the goal post, to spike it around July. Maybe on the 4th of July?

Meanwhile, feeling a sense of doom (until the 4th of July), the newly-formed U.S. Citizen Survival At Any Cost organization, plan to approach UNESCO, pleading that they declared the United States a protected heritage site until Trump is out of office.

UNESCO has done the same for the endangered species of mountain gorillas in Africa. With Trump in office, U.S. citizens are also an endangered species. So why not?

UNESCO immediately said, “No.”

However, upon later learning that Donald Trump suggested drinking Lysol or Clorox to kill coronavirus during a press conference, UNESCO immediately relented and said, “Yes. Okay. Done.”

"Wait, I'm going to be replaced by a woman?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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