California. Outraged and ready to fight to the bitter end to make sure that 'equal representation' is manifested in all aspects of society, a group of middle-class students, as well as extremist supporters of the #ME TOO Movement and WOKE, staged a massive protest, last Monday, throughout the campus of Epididymis University in response to a World War 1 documentary that was pulled out by Professor Dick Johnson earlier in December.
Fiercely upset and highly shocked that 20 minutes of the documentary, "Over The Top: Fighting In World War I," had only shown images of young, white males living in mud-filled trenches, marching forward under confused orders, and getting stuck in barbed wire before being torn into pieces by relentless machine gun fire, the protestors demanded (in pure rage) that the tenured historian be fired for his lack of sensitivity and understanding, and that the financial stability of his wife and three children be permanently jeopardized.
After humbly admitting that it was a rather impulsive move on his part to utilize his numerous years of academic training, his research, and his access to material of a largely forgotten war in order to teach lessons from the past, Dr. Johnson tried to appease the belligerent mob of liberals by sincerely apologizing that 20 minutes of the hour-long program had a 'seemingly 'Eurocentric' male perspective'.
Despite the fact that later segments of the documentary contained discussions about women's essential involvement as nurses and munitions factory workers, images of the Women's Royal Air Force, explanations of how discriminatory policies were reversed so that African Americans could serve vital roles in the US military, and a deep analysis of how the armed conflict permanently affected people in countries across the globe, the 'toxically masculine' and 'deeply prejudiced' tone of Professor Dick Johnson's crude apologies only led to further screaming, crying, and hollering.
Desperately attempting to sooth the profound vexation that he had stirred up by showing 'extremely inconsiderate' images of 'only white males' rotting away hopelessly, having their intestines blown out, and dying helplessly from diseases, as well as a plethora of other unimaginable horrors, Dr. Johnson then put himself in further trouble with the following purely awful statement:
"Humanity will not be able to move forward peacefully with divisive politics and aggressive movements aimed at constantly portraying women and people of diversity as perfect, and white men as thoughtless, power-hungry, stupid, and barbaric."
Because additional claims he made about historical documentaries being 'different' from current movies and TV shows were found to be cruel and unfair, Professor Johnson was immediately fired by the administration and then decapitated so that the blood dripping out of his neck could be enjoyed by the crowd of 'forward-thinking' demonstrators.
Sources confirmed that 'progressive-minded' Hollywood producers and scriptwriters are already working on a movie about Dr. Johnson's life, which will be appropriately titled, "The Unholy Rapist".
It will unapologetically cover: the satanic rituals that occurred during his birth; the wild cocaine parties he enjoyed in college; the severe alcoholism he struggled with his entire life; the financial scams he was responsible for; the racism he was unable to shed; his constant polluting of the environment; the torture he inflicted on small, helpless animals; the prejudice he desperately tried to instill in minds of his students with his unsound teaching methods; and most importantly, his constant raping of women.
