BILLINGSGATE POST: Li’l Wilmer, a mean-ass Dachshund with no previous experience leading a dogsled team, was granted a waiver, and was allowed to race in the Iditarod. Until this year, only northern dog breeds like Siberian huskies and Alaskan malamutes were allowed to race.
Losing doesn’t come easy to Li’l Wilmer. He has twice won the World Pizzarrhea contest, and currently holds the record for passing two slices of pepperoni pizza through his alimentary canal (piehole to asshole) in 46 seconds.
He did receive the Red Lantern Award for his work. It is given to the last team to finish the Iditarod. The name refers to the lantern that’s lit during the race, and not put out until the last dog crosses the finish line.
The 1,150 mile race from Anchorage to Nome is brutal. Each team must start with 16 dogs and finish with at least six. Hard to imagine how those little legs kept up with the huskies and malamutes as they plowed through the crunching snow, but the promise of the day ending with an extra-large slice of pepperoni pizza drove him on.
Vowing to come back for the 2020 Iditarod, Li’l Wilmer smacked his lips and snarfed down two extra-large slices of pepperoni pizza without peppers, thank you.
Slim: “The little bastard ran his ass off. A credit to his race.”
Dirty, “Yo, Dude. Makes you proud to be a Dachshund lover.”
