Bland Woman Suspected of Suffering from Borderline Personality

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 25 January 2020

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Marsha Tuckerman doesn’t get caught up in personality labels. “I just do me.”

Struck by her generally bland manner peppered with the occasional mildly amusing remark, some acquaintances of Marsha Tuckerman of St. Louis, Missouri, have come to suspect that Tuckerman may suffer from a condition known as borderline personality.

“Usually you don’t even notice she’s in a room,” said longtime acquaintance Angela Gentry. “But, every once in a while, she says something that makes you think there may a little something there. If there was ever anyone with a borderline personality, she’s it.”

Colleague Matt Bowery agreed. “I would say she’s very borderline,” he said. “Tilting toward no personality whatsoever. I worry about her sometimes.”

Tuckerman’s ex-boyfriend, Bryan Barnes, confirmed the unofficial borderline personality diagnosis. According to Barnes, after he ended their painfully unexciting three-month relationship, Tuckerman surprised him by cyber-stalking him and attempting to sabotage his subsequent dating endeavors. “Turns out she wasn’t just straight-up vanilla like I’d thought,” he said. “She had tinges of being borderline sociopathic. In hindsight, I didn’t give her enough credit.”

Tuckerman herself shrugged off suggestions that she has any personality, borderline or otherwise. “People are always trying to label and categorize everyone else,” she said. “I don’t get caught up in that stuff. I just do me.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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