Mar-a-Lago, Florida. Exclusive to The Spoof. Sources inside the Florida White House revealed to The Spoof that President Donald Trump has ordered from a Rome clothier a uniform appropriate for the commander-in-chief of the world's leading military power.
According to the leakers. the uniform was designed by one of the world's leading stylists - not an American, and the model for Trump's dress blues was the uniform worn by Count Otto von Bismarck, the Prussian/German general of the late 19th century. Bismarck has always been one of Trump's idols, both as general and head of state.
Reportedly, at Trump's insistence, the collar will carry six jeweled, not silver, stars, setting him apart from the highest rank now existing in the U.S. armed forces. All the buttons are solid gold. In addition, Trump will wear insignia showing his participation in all the military conflicts involving the U.S. since his inauguration. That means he will have campaign ribbons for Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, the Persian Gulf and any other encounters that warrant a decoration that may occur before he leaves office.
Pentagon officials initially nixed his request for a Vietnam ribbon, citing his repeated draft exemptions during that war. But worried about possible budget cuts, they relented, justifying it on grounds that Trump would have gone to Vietnam had he been drafted and that the exemptions were not his fault.
The formal military hat, it is rumored, has been especially enlarged to accommodate Trump's raccoon wig.