Panda Robs Chase

Funny story written by President Bush

Saturday, 3 February 2007

image for Panda Robs Chase
Banks. Cuter than Panda's even?

A Panda bear, native of China absconded from an east LA Chase bank with over $250,000 after he and his owner stood in the bank line for over 7 minutes before reaching the teller where the 250 lb Panda's owner whispered to the teller, "Ling Ling wants your dough dough, fill up the bag bag please please."

"Ordinarily" says Animal Planet's Tim Jacobson, "Panda bears pose no threat to humans being so cute and cuddly. However after recent Panda related crimes world-wide we now know them as they truly are .. gangster bears high on bamboo sprouts."

LA police have not captured either the Panda or his owner but assure the public that they'll continue pondering the case for the full 24 hour "work on this one" policy the LA police have before tossing the case into the "oh well" round file. Animal Planet's Tim Jacobson said,"

"Panda Bears, lovers of Bamboo shoots and all things vegetative do not under their own power or will seek out or crave cold hard cash, given a choice between a million dollar bill and a bamboo shoot."

California's Arnold Schwarzenegger has authorized a $500,000 reward for the capture of the Panda Ling Ling who stole $250,000 from Chase. Schwarzenegger in a press conference yesterday said,

"I know the reward offered is greater than the amount stolen but we NEED a PANDA at our LA zoo, we NEED a zoo Panda I tell you before our revenues as a state run dry."

LA police, empowered by the half million dollar reward say that they're on the case again, stopping EVERY car at EVERY red light with anyone in the car even resembling a Panda even if it does involve Panda profiling, one LAPD officer off the record saying,

"We've got profiling down to an art form. You want Pandas governor we'll get you a Panda even if turns out to be a German Sheperd we'll get you your Panda."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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