High School Students Baffled and Amazed by Endless Possibilities at Job Fair

Written by Wesley Janson

Sunday, 23 June 2019

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Wow! A Job!

Grant County, Wisconsin. Juniors and Seniors at a high school in Platteville were taken to a job fair last Tuesday and shown the endless possibilities that await them upon graduation.

As representatives from Walmart, Kwik Trip, McDonald's, Hardee's, and the Department of Corrections proudly displayed notecards and stacks of applications, students were taken around and shown the real reasons why they struggle through courses ranging from Pre-Calculus to Biology.

Although some Seniors openly confessed that they want to live in smelly dorm rooms with asshole roommates for 3-4 years, before obtaining careers that drain them completely before they die, most were amazed at the soul-fulfilling promises that were offered to them.

"I thought about filling out a form for a company that sells 'door-to-door' vacuum cleaners," 17-year-old Clive Johnson confessed. "But, I want to aimlessly struggle through the rigors of higher academia before I get burned out completely and put a shotgun in my mouth," he added.

After gazing at an application for a broom factory that shuts down during the winter season every year, Chad Peterson, 18, decided that his heart hasn't really been broken yet, and that he needs to obtain a Bachelor's Degree in Sociology in order for that to happen, before he resorts to heavy drug use and severe alcoholism in middle age.

While trying to comfort a random girl he accidentally got pregnant on Prom Night last April, Mike Lathrop, 19, stated that the 'lack of love' he feels at home would make him a good candidate for tackling cognitively-confused, depressed, violent, moody inmates who smear poop all over the walls and ceilings of their cells in a 'maximum security' prison, as Amanda Lane, 16, dreamed about the day when employers would refuse to look at her educational portfolio before hiring another gas station manager.

Considering the tour a complete success, Principal Aaron Craig celebrated by ignoring calls from his mistress while letting Emily (his blonde-haired, large-breasted wife) spit on his gigantic 'rock-hard' cock before fucking him 'reverse cowgirl style' in the middle of the stairwell of their 2-story home.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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