Red Dead Redemption to Get Support of US Congress

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Wednesday, 6 March 2019

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"High Speed Rail" Project ... only $7.7 Billion.

NEW YORK - The amazing popularity of the Red Dead Redemption video game series has caught the attention of Senators and Representatives in the US Congress. In fact, several of the very old politicians that lack significant Social Media skills are looking into the possibility of Rockstar Games being able to "get Real Respect for the important people in DC."

RED DEAD US Congress Incumbent - If the Campaign Consultants can leverage video games to promote the Social Value of Politicians, it will be well worth the $385 Million slipped into Appropriations Bills, somewhere among 1176 pages of back-door, under-the-table, special-interest kickbacks. Members of Congress often feel they are unfairly characterized as the Least Trustworthy occupation in the United States. Naturally, a cool video game which uses a Politician with Heroic Character may improve public opinions about officials who are elected to serve in DC.

The storyline begins when a "Wild West Congressman" is visited by an FBI Sheriff who warns:

    "YOU Must Save America.... If you do not win the White House, the country will be run by a BILLIONAIRE Puppet who is sworn to serve Russian Oil Tycoons, and will deny Health Care to ALL Women!"

Dale Blasmoor (3D Games Effects): "I think we met with every Really Old DC Insider, and they had a million ideas for Exciting Entertainment.... Unfortunately, NONE of them understands why a video game has six-shooters, shotguns, dynamite, or a sharpshooter rifle."

Rockstar Games has put their best effort into the R.D.R "Capitol Hill - DC Mod." They tried to add to the list of special weapons; however, the DC "technical advisors" rarely stopped talking about what it takes to get re-elected in Washington DC. Many times, game programmers would sit for half-an-hour listening to some old bureaucrat explain how hard their jobs are when EVERY Voter is "SO STUPID."

The Beta version of RED DEAD US Congress Incumbent has been released to a selection of gamers who provide online reviews.... Rockstar gave every user COMPLETE Cheat Codes, with an explanation of how the game was commissioned as a Public Service by the Federal Government. Users were warned that the software contained Donation Pages, so the player could "SAVE" Old Politicians. Below are some Important "Weapons":

  • Use Journalist to Smear Opponent
  • Use Protestors to Harass Opponent
  • Use Litigation to Bankrupt Opponent
  • Federal Project - "High Speed Rail"
  • Publicity - Announce "War on Poverty"
  • Publicity - Announce "War on Drugs"
  • Publicity - Announce "War on Terror"

The road to Hell may, or may not, be paved with good intentions; however, many people who have played this new video game are certain that it's home to a lot of politicians. In spite of the $385 Million effort to make the "hard work" of DC politicians more appealing to voters, there's a chance that learning more about politicians will make things worse.

In a brief survey ranking "Favorite In-Game Characters" from best to "despicable", the Politician was often liked less than "Horse Thief" or "Guy Who Rapes Goats."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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