Written by Wesley Janson

Thursday, 26 July 2018

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image for Violent Poltergeist Activity Finally Causes Man To Quit Playing Video Game

Wisconsin. Brad Wesley, 38, was playing his favorite video game, Dragons, Warriors, Knights, Wizards, Dungeons, Princesses, Magic, Swords, Shields, and More Dragons, Part 2 when some extremely violent poltergeist activity began occurring in his house.

"At first it was subtle," Brad told reporters. "My front door would open and slam shut repeatedly, dishes and cups would fly out of my cupboards and smash against the kitchen wall, my upstairs bedroom window opened all by itself, a phone in the living room that was not connected started ringing, and a profoundly deep growling noise that sounded 'otherworldly' started coming from the basement. Basically, nothing to get really worked up about."

Brad was at Level 7 of his video game and was fully determined not to let the intense poltergeist activity bother him.

"I finally had enough gold points to purchase the 'Ancient Sword of Truth' and defeat the 'Wizard of Doom.' It's not like I could just turn the game off at that point," he stated.

When Brad went downstairs later that night to get a glass of water amidst the flying objects in his kitchen, he looked outside and saw a rather tall, dark figure with glowing yellow eyes staring directly at him from a distance in his back yard.

"It was somewhat creepy," Brad confessed. "But one of my main characters was about to level up with experience points, so I tried not to let it disturb me."

As he walked though the living room on his way back upstairs, he said that he ignored the random pieces of furniture that were floating around in a circular pattern, the deep voice that suddenly said "GET OUT," the ghastly orbs that were moving up and down the stairs, and the massive portal to the 'Other Side' that had just opened up in his bathroom.

"I worked a whole bunch of overtime last week, and I finally took a day off so I could play my video game. Nothing interferes with my free time, dammit!" he said.

After he sat back down in his game room, he could hear rumbling noises in his closet as well as a hissing sound. He also briefly saw something rather large crawl quickly across the ceiling in the hallway outside the room. Despite the annoyance, he kept playing his video game.

Just when he was about to defeat the four-headed Goblin with three peckers in the 'Labyrinth of Darkness' in order to save the extremely large-breasted princess, a demonically-possessed teddy bear holding a steak knife suddenly walked into his room.

"It was a present that I had gotten as a child for my 12th birthday, but I could tell that it was demonically-possessed because it kept walking toward me while laughing hideously. As it approached the couch I was sitting on, I suddenly got the feeling that its intention was to slice off my penis with the steak knife. That's when I turned my video game off and ran out of the house screaming in sheer terror," he confessed.

"I'm a simple man. I don't really need many things in life, but I do need my penis," he added.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Video Games




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