Written by Jas Guipe

Monday, 21 January 2019

A solitary boy kicking a can around on an otherwise-deserted playground, confirmed, Thursday, his parents grounded him from the popular video game, Fortnite.

Witnesses described the boy as looking lost and unfamiliar with the playground equipment. Out of frustration, he began kicking the dirt, and loudly cursing his mom and dad.

“All my friends are at home drinking soda and eating junk food in their stuffy rooms, while I’m stuck out here in the fresh air getting exercise. How did I end up with such lousy parents? The universe is so unfair,” the angry boy shouted at the sky.

Apparently, a concerned citizen agreed, and Child Protective Services were called to pick up the eleven-year-old, and question his parents.

“Well you’ve got to wonder, what kind of monstrous people would ground their child from Fortnite, and send him outside to play,” said Derrick Brood, CPS officer. “I cherish the time I spend with my boys playing Fortnite, and they love the opportunity to interact with their friends without having to leave the house. It’s a win, win!”

Reports indicate the boys parents have agreed to reinstate the youth’s Fortnite privileges and keep him inside under constant supervision.

For his part, the boy is just happy the universe heard his plea and came to his aid, manifesting as a nosy neighbor, and rescuing him from the sunny, open air dungeon that had imprisoned him.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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