NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The cooking maven who single-handedly made French fries, cake, donuts, sugar, pies, and butta famous, is back again and with a Southern-Fried vengeance. Paula Ann Deen, at one time had 4 cooking shows on different c…
A new report published by the National Dairy Council in trade industry journal Milk Matters had fabulous news to deliver about everyone’s favorite spread: a meta-analysis of data convincingly suggests that butter does not trigger celiac disease. “...
Yes, it is true. Shameful but true. It is always difficult for the children of those involved in criminal activities to confront their past and the social stigmas associated with such behavior, but at some time it must be faced. My mother was a Margarine Smuggler. (My hand shakes still as I type this.) In the Wisconsin of the mid 20th century it was illegal to sell margarine. At all. Pe...
An old familiar athlete butt-slapping after a good play is taking over from the Knock-Out game that was the recent trend. "This is great", stated pimply nerd at a local high school. "I'm tired of getting knocked out. So he sneaks over and slaps a nice-looking young lady on the butt and she knocks him out. "Most guys think the new game is a lot better and some of the ladies say they don't...
After years of investigation, Scientists at Dyson's Research and Development labs in Sussex have isolated the single greatest cause of obesity in the western world. "It's the toaster," said Geoff Fry, head of the Single Slice Toaster Development T...
Des Moines, Iowa- A member of "Iowans for Animal Liberation", the animal activist group that recently vandalized the butter cow sculpture at the Iowa State Fair, has been caught. William Baston is in police custody and is singing like a canary, or m...
A fascinating study has concluded that 56% of mums don't know what their kids weigh. All of this after watching another government funded study waste even more money! Back and to the Left approached a Government scientist, offered him an Aero and got...
An One year study by British scientists into why a dropped slice of buttered bread always seems to hit the floor on the buttered side has been 'successfully' completed after the team of scientist involved came up with an explanation acceptable to th...
Butter is a much maligned cooking ingredient. Blamed for many a heart attack it is said to be as dangerous to Western society as the car. One of the major problems with butter is it tastes so damn good. This has led nutritionist Kerry Gold to...
Doctor Marg Best has made a sensational claim for a complete ban on butter claiming it is responsible for the deaths of thousands of people every year from heart disease. Doctor Best claims that butter is more likely to kill you than guns, knives,...
The Acme Margarine Bowl, world famous for telling everyone that it is actually "Butter", has been hospitalized in Louisville, Kentucky after it was beaten nearly to death by a gang of young rogues. "It was a sorry sight for me eyes", stated Emerge...
In a story likely to reach into the very hearts of America and beyond, the Federal Nutrition Council today added fried butter to the food pyramid. Following its introduction at the prestigious foodie event, The Texas State Fair, experts declared the...
Professional shopper Betty Botter has hit the news again following her investigation on behalf of the BBC's Watchdog Programme into the butter buying habits of the British public. Betty Botter was invited onto the programme by the tall, leggy pres...
London AssPress:- A London man was shocked to open his snail mail this morning to find an official Queen telegram, congratulating him upon the event of his having written his 100th story for world renowned satirical sweat shop,
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