Washington - President Bush announced a new policy today that would protect him from the damaging opinions and words from the American public.
"After extensive thought," said Bush, "I have decided on a new policy that will help to protect my presidency from damaging gossip from the American public. The policy is this: I'm rubber. The American public is glue. Whatever the American public says bounces off me and sticks to the American public. So, ha-ha!"
Although not yet official, Bush has set the policy into motion himself.
"The American public says that I am evil," Bush stated. "Well, since I'm rubber now, that makes the American public evil. See how that works? Pretty nifty, eh? Oh, and it only counts when you say something mean. If you say something nice to me, it just soaks right in, so there's no way around it."
Bush says that the secret to the policy's success is the fact that rubber is bouncy and glue is sticky. So if something is thrown at rubber it will bounce off and stick to the glue.
"My wife said it was a stupid idea and that I was a moron," Bush said. "I just laughed and said, 'you just called yourself a moron!' She walked away pretty upset. I think it was because I had proven my point."
Other aspects of the policy include, "I know you are, but what am I?" "Sticks and stones may break my bones" and "It takes one to know one."