Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 30 January 2019

image for Bank Employee Fired Over Bad Breath
His dentist fainted at the hum

Former colleagues of an ex-bank teller who was fired because of his bad breath, have spoken of their relief over his sacking.

The Manhattan Investment Bank had spoken to the teller on several occasions, and had given fair warning that, if things didn't improve, they would terminate his employment with them.

Despite this, Harry Tosiss, 26, repeatedly came to work with his breath smelling like a blocked drain, and refused to address the situation.

One of his former colleagues, Tess Harris, said:

"He was awful. I knew when he'd been using my telephone, because it stank of his foul breath."

Another, Stephanie Bowers, told us:

"You could see his customers shrink away when he leaned closer to them. His breath was putrid. You could always tell which coffee cup he'd been using. I started bringing my own!"

Tosiss smoked, on average, around 40 cigarettes a day, drank beer with every meal - including pouring beer on his Corn Flakes - and regularly ate raw fish. An ex-girlfriend told us that he was a keen cunnilinguist.

"He never cleaned his teeth afterwards," she said, adding, "or gargled. The pig."

His breath caused many problems for Tosiss, including being struck off his dentist's patient list, after a string of dental technicians were unable to attend to his teeth due to the stench emanating from his mouth.

According to people who Tosiss counts as friends, but who, in fact, can't stand him, he has already started to look for new employment, and has an interview for a job next week at the US Germ Warfare Research Facility.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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