Macy's Mannequin Attacks Department Store Groper

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Wednesday, 5 December 2018

Los Angeles, CA. Holiday shoppers were shocked today when an elderly man was seen groping female mannequins at Macy's department store on Wilshire Blvd.

He was caught when one of the automated mannequins apparently slapped him in the face so hard that it knocked him down. When the senior had difficulty rising, a floor walker came to his aid, only to be told by the groper that he would be suing the store and filing charges against the mannequin for assault and battery. At that point, several customers who had witnessed the incident said that the old man was at fault, that he had groped that mannequin, and several others, on the bottom.

"I couldn't resist," the groper admitted with contrition. "They were just irresistible."

Macy's security manager said the store would not file a police report, but warned the old groper not to return to Macy's in the future. The mannequin gave a "thumbs up" to that warning and uttered, "Me Too."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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