Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Friday, 16 November 2018

Speaking to reporters this morning, President Donald Trump bemoaned the possibility that Chief Justice John Roberts might take the place of Anthony Kennedy as the Supreme Court's swing vote, siding with liberal justices to thwart Trump's efforts to "Make America Great Again." The solution? Paraphrasing Franklin Roosevelt's argument of "Nine Old Men" as an excuse for his attempt to pack the court in the 1930s, Trump wants to appoint an additional justice for each of the "Three Old Women" and one old male liberal whom, he claimed, are too mentally infirm to understand the cases and too feeble to carry on the business of the court,

Jim Acosta of CNN, facing the president for the first time since Trump pulled his press credentials, was puzzled. "Except for the two justices you've appointed, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan are younger than anyone else on the court. There's only 'One Old Woman' justice,"

Trump was ready with a response. "Ginsburg is 85. She can't even stand up in her own office. Breyer is 80, almost as old as Kennedy when he retired. Those other two female justices are already feeble in their 50s. They can't contribute anything to the court's work, but their two votes can be decisive if joined by Roberts."

"What's your solution?" asked Woof Blister.

"I want to appoint an additional justice for everyone 80 or over, That'll give me two more really conservative justices, enough to overcome a block of four liberals plus a swing justice."

"When FDR tried that he was accused of court packing. The country wouldn't let him do it," said Blister.

Trump smiled. "Roosevelt gave up too soon. He didn't have the guts to fight for packing. I will. Let's see what happens."

At that moment, Kagan and Sotomayor waved to the president as they jogged by, out for their regular early morning 5K run.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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